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work out regime!! 4/8/2017
My doctor took one look at my gut and refused to believe that
i work out. So I listed the exercises i do every day: jump
to conclusions, climb the walls, drag my heels, push my
luck, make mountains out of molehills, bend over backward,
run around in circles, put my foot in my mouth, go over the
edge, and beat around the bush.
4 Comments, 40 Views,
10 Votes
,5.38 Score
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The Last Kiss 4/6/2017
A group of HELLS ANGELS, South Carolina bikers were riding
east on 378 when they saw a longhaired girl about to jump
off the Pee Dee River Bridge. Naturally curious, they stopped.
George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his
Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State
Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing,
and says, "Hey Baby...whatcha doin' up ...
2 Comments, 89 Views,
7 Votes
,5.84 Score
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A Variety 3/31/2017
I was standing at the bar one night, minding my own business,
when this fat, ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my behind
and said, "You're kind'a cute. You gotta
phone number?"
I said, "Yeah, you gotta pen?"
She said, "Yeah, I got a pen."
I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer
misses you."
Cost me 6 stitches ...But when you're over sixty, who ...
3 Comments, 98 Views,
11 Votes
,5.97 Score
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divoce 3/31/2017
Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday.
My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents
forgot and so did my . I went to work and even my colleagues
didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office,
my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!"
I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch,
she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said,
"Do you ...
0 Comments, 91 Views,
5 Votes
,5.75 Score
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teacher 3/31/2017
A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't
paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three
ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are
left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher
asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the
shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No,
two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny
asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking ...
0 Comments, 70 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score
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It wasn't All his fault 3/31/2017
She sat the in bed, hair disheveled, naked, and continued
to give him an icy stare. She didn't need words to show just how livid she was.
"I'm sorry" he said to her, "But you
have to admit, perhaps you could have chosen a better SAFE-WORD
than "Harder!"
0 Comments, 39 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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It wasn't All his fault 3/31/2017
She sat the in bed, hair disheveled, naked, and continued
to give him an icy stare. She didn't need words to show just how livid she was.
"I'm sorry" he said to her, "But you
have to admit, perhaps you could have chosen a better SAFE-WORD
than "Harder!"
0 Comments, 11 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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weather 3/30/2017
when the weather is hot and sticky that is no time for Dickie
dunking but when the frost is on the pumpkin then that is the time
dunking Dicky
0 Comments, 10 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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weather 3/30/2017
when the weather is hot and sticky that is no time for Dickie
dunking but when the frost is on the pumpkin then that is the time
dunking Dicky
1 Comments, 11 Views,
5 Votes
,2.82 Score
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Dirty 3/28/2017
So there's a who thinks he's funny actually
hilarious makes the common to mama jokes and bullies with
jokes to his whole family. Well one day his mama challenges
him to a contest so she says you tell your best to mama joke
and I'm going to tell one and we see who's is the
best. The is puzzled so you want me too tell a joke about
big mama? His mom replies just tell the joke the agrees
but with ...
3 Comments, 88 Views,
9 Votes
,3.64 Score
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Never ate one myself 3/27/2017
When does a cub scout become a boy scout? When he eats his
first brownie. Yucky, boo boo.
1 Comments, 13 Views,
4 Votes
,4.02 Score
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laugh and get laid 3/23/2017
back in the day it used to be the humor of a guy that got him
laid now its like ooooo i need a mature feller eating my puss
lolol whats yas take on that
1 Comments, 14 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
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laugh and get laid 3/23/2017
back in the day it used to be the humor of a guy that got him
laid now its like ooooo i need a mature feller eating my puss
lolol whats yas take on that
1 Comments, 5 Views,
2 Votes
,4.50 Score
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laugh and get laid 3/23/2017
back in the day it used to be the humor of a guy that got him
laid now its like ooooo i need a mature feller eating my puss
lolol whats yas take on that
0 Comments, 6 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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Lorania Bobbit 3/23/2017
Did you hear about Lorannia Bobit moving to Russia and changing
her name? To Lorannia Cuts your cock off!!
1 Comments, 11 Views,
2 Votes
,4.50 Score
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Wife and Husband's Best Friend 3/22/2017
Well a mans Wife and her Husband's Best Friend are laying
in her bed Breathing heavily and the sheets soaking wet..from wild
and passionate Sex... When the phone rings...she looks at the caller Id. and says
oh it's my husband.. Your not going to answer that are you...shhhh be quiet she
says..
He's barely breathing scared to death...she says
ok that sounds like fun.. Again tomorrow..ok ...
2 Comments, 134 Views,
12 Votes
,5.98 Score
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Massaging a Lawyer 3/22/2017
. A lawyer is standing in a long queue at the box office. Suddenly,
he feels a pair of hands massaging his shoulders, back,
and neck. The lawyer turns around and says, "What
the hell do you think you're doing?" "I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping
in practice while I'm waiting in line." "Well,
I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?"
2 Comments, 55 Views,
9 Votes
,5.78 Score
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Corporate translations 3/16/2017
Corporate translations --> Competitive salary: We
remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
Join our fast – paced company : We have no time to train
you and you will have to introduce yourself to your co - workers.
Seeking enthusiastic, fun, hard working people: who still
live with their parents and will not mind our internship
– level salaries. Casual work atmosphere: We do not ...
3 Comments, 53 Views,
9 Votes
,5.14 Score
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must try ! 3/15/2017
Hello awesome Cyber Dating Online -er,
Who is going to try this with their wife/GF/ or female boss
0 Comments, 87 Views,
3 Votes
,0.49 Score
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Bad Grandpa 3/13/2017
Grandpa got talked into watching his 5 year old grandson
one afternoon.. Half asleep on the couch when he says...Grandpa can I go
outside And play with Billy??? Go right ahead Grandpa says.. 5 minutes later he come back in ..says Grandpa.. What is it called when 2 people are in a bedroom and ones on
Top of the other????????
Half asleep he says your a little young for this..but its
called ...
2 Comments, 139 Views,
14 Votes
,5.38 Score
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Why men wear earrings 3/13/2017
Did you ever wonder why earrings became so popular with
men?
A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker
is wearing an earring.
The man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative
fellow and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion
sense".
The man walks up to him and says, "I didn't know you were into earrings."
"Don't make such a ...
2 Comments, 100 Views,
13 Votes
,5.83 Score
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Midgets 3/10/2017
When is it acceptable to kick a midget in the balls? When
he tells you that your wife's hair smells good!
2 Comments, 20 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score
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She's your Sister- 3/9/2017
A boy after graduation goes to his Dad and says he needs to
speak to him.. Dad I'm so in love with Becky that we are going to get
married.. said the Dad..when I was a younger man, I got around
with The ladies pretty good..and Becky is your sister you can't
marry her!!!
Broken hearted and dejected he finds another girlfriend..6
months later he Goes to Dad and says ok me and Cindy are in ...
4 Comments, 169 Views,
21 Votes
,6.10 Score
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Teacher to Class 3/9/2017
The teacher was describing the dolphin and its habits.
"And, , "she said impressively, "a
single dolphin will have two thousand offspring."
"Goodness!" gasped a little girl in the back
row. "And how about married ones?"
2 Comments, 61 Views,
12 Votes
,5.63 Score
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men 3/7/2017
After the marriage the bride put a box next to her bed and
told her husband never to open and check, what’s inside
of it. 40 years passed and the husband impatiently opened
the box and found there 3 empty bottles of beer and 14000$.
In the evening during the dinner he tells his wife: - Darling, I have to admit, I opened the box. Would you explain
why there are 3 bottles? - You see, whenever I ...
1 Comments, 92 Views,
5 Votes
,3.80 Score
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anniversery 3/7/2017
A man asks his wife during a 25 marriage anniversary: - Darling, have you been unfaithful to me? - Yes, honey, three times. - When was the first time? - Do you remember the situation when you went to a bank, but
nobody would give you any credit? And finally the CEO of
the bank himself signed the credit allowance to you. - Thanks, darling. And when was the second time? - Do you remember when you ...
1 Comments, 76 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
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Home from work 3/3/2017
A man came home from work, sat down in his favorite chair,
turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick, bring
me a beer before it starts" She looked a little puzzled,
but brought him a beer. When he finished it, he said, "Quick,
bring me another beer. It's gonna start." This
time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer. When
it was gone, he said, "Quick, another beer before
it ...
1 Comments, 104 Views,
8 Votes
,5.33 Score
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Visit to the doctors 3/3/2017
A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband
is losing interest in sex. The doctor gives her a pill, but
warns her that it's still experimental. He tells her
to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner, so that night,
she does just that. About a week later, she’s back at the
doctor, where she says, "Doc, the pill worked great!
I put it in the potatoes like you said! It wasn't ...
1 Comments, 58 Views,
5 Votes
,4.77 Score
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Visit to the doctors 3/3/2017
A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband
is losing interest in sex. The doctor gives her a pill, but
warns her that it's still experimental. He tells her
to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner, so that night,
she does just that. About a week later, she’s back at the
doctor, where she says, "Doc, the pill worked great!
I put it in the potatoes like you said! It wasn't ...
0 Comments, 14 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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" Larger Breasts " 3/2/2017
A woman showes up at her Dr.'s office requesting larger
breasts. The Dr. explaines the different options for breast
augmentaion, implants and the such. "No surgery"
she says. Anything but the surgery. There must be another
way. There is says the Dr. But you must be very dillagent
in the process. Each day, three times. once in the morning,
again around mid-day and once more before bed, I want ...
0 Comments, 82 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
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