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Email OOP'S 4/13/2007
A lesson to be learned from typing the wrong Email address!
A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out
during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same
hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.
Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate
their travel schedules.
So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, ...
0 Comments, 69 Views,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score
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Trip to Hawaii 4/12/2007
A young woman in New York was so depressed that she decided
to end her life by throwing herself into the East River.
She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid
water when a handsome young sailor saw her teetering on
the edge of the pier, crying.
He took pity on her and said, "Look, you have so
much to live for. I'm off to Hawaii in the morning, and
if ...
0 Comments, 118 Views,
7 Votes
,5.08 Score
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FLAT BELLY 4/12/2007
A little boy walks into his parents'
room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down.
the mom sees her and quickly dismounts, worried about
what her has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find
him.
The sees his mom and asks, "What
were you and Dad doing?"
The mother replies, ...
0 Comments, 110 Views,
7 Votes
,3.55 Score
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One Testicle 4/10/2007
One Testicle..... > > > >There once was a Red Indian whose given name was "Onestone".
>So named because he had only one testicle. He hated
that name and asked >everyone not to call him Onestone. >After years and years of torment, Onestone finally
cracked and said, >"If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill
them!" >The word got around and nobody called him that any more.
>Then one day a young ...
0 Comments, 98 Views,
4 Votes
,4.41 Score
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A guy walks into a.......... 4/7/2007
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful woman
wave at him and say hello.
He's rather taken aback, because he can't place
where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?"
To which she replies, "I think you're the father
of one of my ."
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been
unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the
stripper from ...
0 Comments, 219 Views,
10 Votes
,4.18 Score
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In Bed 4/7/2007
Husband and wife in bed together.
She feels his hand rubbing her shoulder.
She: "Oh, that feels good."
His hand moves to her breast.
She: "Gee, honey, that feels wonderful."
His hand moves to her leg.
She: "Oh, honey, don't stop."
But he stops.
She: "Why did you stop?"
He: "I found the remote."
2 Comments, 189 Views,
12 Votes
,4.74 Score
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Attitude 4/7/2007
The new bride, after getting sexy for her new husband, comes
into the bedroom and sees him standing there with his pants
in his hand. He hold his pants out to her and says. "Here put these
on." To this she says. "Those won't fit me."
"Right." He says. "And I want you to remember
who wears the pants in the family." She puts her thumbs in the waist band of her bakini panties,
pulls them off and ...
0 Comments, 101 Views,
5 Votes
,3.80 Score
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Puppies 4/7/2007
Johnie was at the park with his dad when he saw two dogs getting
it on. He pulled on his dad's pants leg and said. "Daddy,
what are those dogs doing?" His dad looked over and said. "There just making pupies."
And that was that. That night after going to bed he awoke needing to take a leak.
He got up and headed for the bathroom. When he passed his
parents open door he heard some moaning and looked ...
0 Comments, 166 Views,
8 Votes
,5.33 Score
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Why 4/6/2007
Why do you need a drivers license to buy beer when you can't
drink and drive?
Do you park in the driveway amd Drive on the Parkway?
Why is there an interstate hiway in Hawaii?
0 Comments, 104 Views,
6 Votes
,2.51 Score
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Say, I think he's right...! 4/5/2007
Clem & Billy Bob were enjoying a nice day of fishing.
As Clem finished off his beer, he tells Billy Bob, "I
think I'm goin' to divorse my wife... she hasn't
spoken to me in over a month now!" "Well, Clem..." replied Billy Bob, "you
might wanna think about that a little more, a good wife like
that is pretty hard to find"
0 Comments, 140 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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Getting Even 4/5/2007
Two best friends were on a river bank fishing when one of
them said to the other. Hey, if I was to sneak out of here
and go to your house. Then make love to your wife and get her
pregnant would that make us relatives? "No"
the other man said "JUST EVEN"
0 Comments, 246 Views,
6 Votes
,3.93 Score
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New bike 4/5/2007
For his birthday, little Joe asked for a 10-speed bicycle.
His father said, ", we'd give you one, but
the mortgage on this house is $280, 000 & your mother
just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it."
The next day the father saw little Joe heading out the front
door with a suitcase. So he asked, ", where are
you going?"
Little Joe told him: "I was walking past your room
last ...
0 Comments, 194 Views,
7 Votes
,4.06 Score
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Escaped prisoner 4/4/2007
A man escapes from a prison where he had been kept for 15 years.
As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it, looking
for money and guns, but only finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him up in a chair. While
tying the girl up to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses
her on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom.
While he's in ...
0 Comments, 157 Views,
7 Votes
,2.28 Score
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The coincidence 4/4/2007
A man went into a local tavern and took a seat at the bar next
to a women patron.
He turned to her and said, "This is a special day, I'm
celebrating."
"What a coincidence, " said the woman, "I'm
celebrating, too". She clinked glasses with him
and asked, "What are you celebrating?"
"I'm a chicken farmer, " he replied. "For
years all my hens were infertile, but today they're
finally ...
0 Comments, 134 Views,
8 Votes
,3.01 Score
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The cruise 4/4/2007
A guy went to a travel agent and tried to book a two week cruise
for himself and his girlfriend.
The travel agent said that all the ships were booked up and
things were very tight, but that he would see what he could
do.
A couple of days later, the travel agent phoned and said
he could now get them onto a three day cruise.
The guy agreed and went to the drugstore to buy three ...
0 Comments, 154 Views,
12 Votes
,3.51 Score
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sex-obsessed? 4/4/2007
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage
in an animated conversation. The lady sitting next to them
ignores them at first but her attention is galvanised when
she hears one of them say the following:
"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more. Two asses they come together again.
I come aain and pee twice. Then I come one lasta ...
0 Comments, 116 Views,
7 Votes
,2.53 Score
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Best contraceptive 4/4/2007
Two girls: - Which is the best contraceptive? - An aspirin. - ??? - Take an aspirin, put it between the knees and keep it tight.
0 Comments, 87 Views,
6 Votes
,2.23 Score
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Three nuns 4/4/2007
Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven.
At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says, "Sisters,
you all led such exemplary lives that the Lord is granting
you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you wish to
be.
The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren;"
and *poof* she's gone.
The second says, "I want to be Madonna and *poof* she's
gone.
The third ...
0 Comments, 164 Views,
7 Votes
,3.55 Score
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Life on the farm 4/4/2007
A Schoharie County farmer got in his pickup and drove to
a neighboring farm and knocked at the farmhouse door. A
young boy about 9 opened the door.
"Is yer Pa home?" the farmer asked.
"No sir, he ain't, " the boy replied. "He
went into town."
"Well", said the farmer, "is yer Ma here?"
"No, sir, she ain't here neither. She went into
town with Pa. "
"How about your ...
0 Comments, 159 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score
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Average 4/3/2007
A 2006 study found that the average American walks about
900 miles a year.
Another study found that Americans drink an average of
22 gallons of beer a year.
That means, on average, Americans get about 41 miles per
gallon.
0 Comments, 88 Views,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score
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No Needles 4/3/2007
NO WAY, NO NEEDLES !!
A man goes to the dentist to have a tooth pulled. The dentist
takes out a needle to give the man a shot of Novacain.
"No way, no needles, I can't stand needles."
The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas but the man
again objects. "No gas, please the mask on my face
is suffocating to me."
The dentist then asks if the man has any objection to taking ...
0 Comments, 97 Views,
0 Votes
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alligator shoes 4/3/2007
A young blonde woman was driving through the Florida Everglades
while on vacation. She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes
in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local
vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one
of the shopkeepers, the young blonde declared, "Well
then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own ...
0 Comments, 86 Views,
6 Votes
,5.36 Score
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Taking A Woman To Bed 4/2/2007
Taking a woman to bed
What is the difference between girls/woman aged: 8, 18,
28, 38, 48, 58, 68 and 78?
At 8 -- You take her to bed and tell her a story.
At 18 -- You tell her a story and take her to bed.
At 28 -- You don't need to tell her a story to take her
to bed.
At 38 -- She tells you a story and takes you to bed
At 48 -- She tells you a ...
0 Comments, 117 Views,
6 Votes
,3.37 Score
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Drive Up ATM 4/1/2007
MALE VS. FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE
A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads: "Please note that
this Bank is
installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers
to
withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.
Customers using this new facility are requested to use
the procedures
outlined below when accessing their accounts."
"After months of ...
2 Comments, 139 Views,
3 Votes
,4.90 Score
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Ya gotta love older folks! 4/1/2007
A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck
fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said
he didn't live far and would just walk home.
On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought
a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed
store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However,
struggling outside the store he now had a problem ...
4 Comments, 243 Views,
15 Votes
,5.27 Score
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$20 3/31/2007
A guy goes out drinking after work one day with his buddy.
After a few drinks, he throws up on himself. "My wife
is going to kill me. I wasn't supposed to be drinking
tonight". His buddy tells him, "Just put a $20
bill in your pocket and tell your wife that someone at the
bar threw up on you and gave you $20 for your cleaning bill."
They have a few more drinks and are REALLY plastered. When
he ...
2 Comments, 157 Views,
6 Votes
,5.36 Score
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The Curtain Rods 3/30/2007
The Curtain Rods
She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes,
crates and suitcases.
On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her
things.
On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful
dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background
music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle
of Chardonnay. ...
0 Comments, 82 Views,
7 Votes
,4.57 Score
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MALE STRIPPERS 3/30/2007
Male Strippers
Last night, my Red Hat friends and I went to a Ladies Night
Club.
One of the girls wanted to impress the rest of us, so she pulled
out a $10 bill.
When the male dancer came over to us,
my friend licked the $10 bill and stuck it to his butt cheek!
Not to be outdone, another friend pulls out a $20 bill.
She called the guy back , licks the $20 bill,
...
1 Comments, 152 Views,
10 Votes
,3.39 Score
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New UCLA Study 3/30/2007
A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry
has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive
on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual
cycle.
For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men
with rugged, masculine features.
However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends
to be more attracted to a man with ...
0 Comments, 64 Views,
5 Votes
,3.14 Score
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Park Politics 3/30/2007
A man is sitting on a bench in the park reading a newspaper.
Suddenly he throws the paper onto the ground and yells,
"All politicians are *ssholes."
A man sitting next to him in a finely pressed suit says, "I
take offense to that!"
The pissed-off guy asks him, "Why? Are you a politician?"
"No, " he replies, "I'm an *sshole."
0 Comments, 108 Views,
8 Votes
,4.64 Score
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